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  • Therapy for Your Family and Groovy Gifts
    • Why Therapy?
  • About Me
    • Parent Coaching for Scotts Valley
  • Child Therapy
    • How much is a parent involved in their child's therapy?
  • Family Therapy
    • Blog for families seeking help through counseling >
      • Blog Disclaimer
      • Inspirational Quotes for Daily Life, Sheryl A. Isaacs
  • Forms for Therapy Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
  • Therapy Articles for your Children and Family
  • Sensory workshop for Parents and Children, Scotts Valley
  • Kindergarten Readiness Toolkit
  • Free worksheets for therapy
  • Resources for Families in Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
  • Scotts Valley Therapist will be out of office
  • Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
  • Groovy Tie Dye Shirts
  • Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Special Order
  • Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Shirts
  • Child and Family Therapist Insurances Accepted
  • Give Away June 20232
Integrative Therapy for Children and Families and Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
  • Therapy for Your Family and Groovy Gifts
    • Why Therapy?
  • About Me
    • Parent Coaching for Scotts Valley
  • Child Therapy
    • How much is a parent involved in their child's therapy?
  • Family Therapy
    • Blog for families seeking help through counseling >
      • Blog Disclaimer
      • Inspirational Quotes for Daily Life, Sheryl A. Isaacs
  • Forms for Therapy Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
  • Therapy Articles for your Children and Family
  • Sensory workshop for Parents and Children, Scotts Valley
  • Kindergarten Readiness Toolkit
  • Free worksheets for therapy
  • Resources for Families in Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
  • Scotts Valley Therapist will be out of office
  • Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
  • Groovy Tie Dye Shirts
  • Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Special Order
  • Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Shirts
  • Child and Family Therapist Insurances Accepted
  • Give Away June 20232

Therapist Thoughts...

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    Sheryl Isaacs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She is currently working in Scotts Valley seeing clients in private practice.

    Sheryl has worked with families and children that have experienced a wide range of issues including: anxiety, trauma, depression, autism, ADHD, developmental issues, behavioral issues, divorce,
    bulimia, grief, communication and self esteem issues.

    She provides parental coaching, child therapy, sibling counseling, family therapy, marriage counseling,  and individual counseling.

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What Now?

3/17/2020

 

Now what?  Things have changed drastically for all of us. We may feel that things are out of control with COVID-19 virus changing our ability to go to work, school and socialize. 

Why is “socially distancing” important?
Socially distancing is to help protect ourselves and others from this airborne virus.  The “six foot rule” should be far enough away from others to prevent droplets from a sneeze or cough entering our space to inhale.

Why are they shutting down businesses, schools and limiting gatherings and activities?
This is also to prevent the spread of the virus. We can carry the virus with minimal symptoms. We can spread the virus before we have symptoms. Children can have mild symptoms and spread the virus unknowingly. 

​Many may not be infected in a severe manner.  We need to protect those that are high risk and could have severe complications or even die from this virus. Everyone has those over 65 years old in their family, those with heart conditions, asthma, smokers  or autoimmune diseases in their family or friend group.  Think of these people and how important protection is for them during this crisis.

​What happens if I don’t follow the new rules?
You can be fined, jailed or both!  It is imperative that we all do our part and work together during this crisis.   It is not just about us as an individual but about the greater good of our communities and families.   Santa Cruz Shelter in Place Order

How am I supposed to deal with this?
First of all make sure that you are grounded and centered. Being in “anxiety brain” will not help you access your true self to make the best choices for yourself and family.  Take care of basic self care: healthy food, plenty of water and proper sleep. Use humor to get through the day.  Reframe situations as they arise. Look for the reality of the situation. Limit social media information about the virus and go to trusted sources like the CDC website . Be pro-active with implementing new routines of disinfecting. Utilize mindfulness practices to stay grounded. Fact check social media information at SNOPES. 

What do I do about not being able to go to work?
You can collect unemployment if you miss work due to schools being shut down or if you or a family member gets sick.  There is a lot of information and the wait period has been canceled. ​Check out the EDD site.

What can I do being confined in the house with my family?
*have a virtual dance party with friends or family
 Quarantunes by Rita Wilson
*play on-line video games to stay connected to others
*enjoy some board games
      Some of our family favorites: UNO, Clue, Exploding Kittens, Apples to Apples, Superfight, Fact or Crap
*have fun with phone apps
*have virtual challenges/tricks with friends
*catch up on binge worthy series
*connect with others through phone calls and social media
*check out new educational items on xfinity
*take time to do some of those saved Pinterest recipes and crafts
 

Always remember life is about choices...we choose to control our attitudes and actions
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Marriage Builders! 10 tips

8/15/2016

 
Picture
It takes hard work to stay married! Even when two people truly love and admire one another, life happens! Stress, trauma, family of origin issues, financial difficulties, loss and health issues can take a toll on marriage. It is not easy to overcome these challenges. Some marriages have much stronger outside forces that push against their marraige.

Here are a few tips that I have found helpful on my journey of 25 years.

What can you do?

1. Remember that you make a choice daily. Each day you chose to be "all in." You are not looking for an easy out, you choose to work together and move through the struggles.

2. Communicate with one another! Do not let hurts pile up. Talk about your feelings and use solid communication skills. Listen without seeking to justify yourself. It is important to validate your partners feelings so they feel heard and understood. We all have family of origin issues! Own up to your own triggers and be honest.

3. Set firm boundaries with one another about acceptable, respectful behavior. Use humor to remind each other of these boundaries. Focus on lowering co-dependency in your relationship. We all have varying degrees of co-dependency, recognize yours and work on it!

4. Keep up support systems that are healthy to help you through challenging times. Encourage each other to maintain outside supports and self-care behavior. We need to be a whole person to have a whole relationship.

5. Take time to recharge as a couple too! It is easy to get disconnected with life happening all over the place! Stay in touch with each others dreams and visions for life. What is truly important to your partner? What is your greatest goal as a couple?

6. Dont sweat the small stuff! Okay so a towel is on the floor? End of the world, perhaps not. Negotiate about things that drive you nuts and learn to let some thing go. One hundred years from now is that really going to matter at all? We miss so much by getting caught up in small battles.

7. When you cannot let it go look underneath to see what you are truly feeling, most likely it is not about the towel on the floor. Perhaps you feel resentful, overwhelmed or unappreciated.

8. Marriage is a partnership. Treat it like one! Work on cultivating an atmosphere of respect and admiration. You both have amazing talents and skills you bring to the relationship that the other does not have. Learn to utilize your partners strengths in the relationship.

9. Be mindful! Practice just "being" with your partner. Take time to slow down and enjoy the space you create together. This is hard with so much life happening. Take a few moments in the morning or evening. Sensory activities together are great for this. Cuddle, massage, hot tub, cook...

10. The most important thing to remember is to keep your sense of humor! Life is serious enough! If you can learn to laugh at yourself and with your partner you will elevate stress and move through many potential triggering times.
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Something to Remember

5/23/2016

 
Sheryl A. Isaacs MS, LMFT 92557
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist 
I truly love this song!  As parents it is so easy to get caught up in the "have to" in life.  With children, regardless of age, there are so many things that must be done daily.  Housework alone can be a never ending list.  Dishes and laundry always seems to multiply daily...something that is never really caught up!

It is so important to remember that in the midst of the hustle and bustle we have our kids for a very short time.  As I continue to grow older I realize more and more how very quickly time passes. Today is the only day that our child will ever be the age that they are...tomorrow they are already a day older. 

Today is the day that we are making memories, living out values for our children and even preparing for our grandchildren.  The investment me make in our children today will touch generations. 

If we truly put it in perspective the dishes, the laundry and the kitchen floor will be dirty again.  You will always have the opportunity to clean your house and make it spotless in the future.  We will never again the time lost with our kids today. They will not be this age again in the future. 

What a message we send when we verbalize:
"The dishes can wait, let's play a game!"
"I will take the day off to go to your game!"
"Let's just go to the beach and play today!" 

We send the message you are important, you matter!  That is an amazing gift to give your children and your grandchildren.  These lessons will endure through the generations in your family. You will teach them self-care and model that even as an adult you need to have fun!  This is a lesson that many do not learn, a lesson that I teach adults in therapy. 

I challenge you to let some of the "busy work" go.  I can guarantee that the more you engage with your kids the better your relationship will be and the less stressed you will be.  

​Go on, get your play on!





Self-care at the beach. The best therapy ever!
Fun at the beach!
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Grief Is A Process

9/14/2015

 
Man and woman frame with flowers
Grief is a process. The definition of grief is keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. Many times we look for the day we "get over" the loss. We never truly do. Some days are better than others, but other days take us back to that loss. Milestones in life can also be extremely difficult: graduations, births, holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries. Today the type of day and time of year takes me back.

It is days like today that remind me of my Dad. On raining days he would stay home from work. He was a bricklayer by trade and rarely could work in the rain. He also was battling cancer at this time of year. I took off work and we began homeschooling to care for him. Some days just take you back...the smell of the rain soaked ground...looking at the wet earth...feeling the dampness on your skin. Milestones in life can also be extremely difficult: graduations, births, holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries.

The best we can do is honor those feelings of loss. Let ourselves delve into the sadness. Recognize that we will have days that "bring it back." That is normal. Honor those thoughts and feelings. The sadness will pass if we allow ourselves to move through it. 

Many times we will do everything BUT allow those feelings.  There are uncomfortable. We distract, rationalize and stay busy to stop the feelings.  This is not helpful.  Those bottled up feelings very easily turn into health issues like high blood pressure, autoimmune issues, headaches, joint pain and more! If we can "sit in" the feelings and allow them to pass we can be successful in not turning the feelings inward and wreaking havoc on our bodies/minds.

Collaging can be very helpful to help you move through the sadness. It is less intense than journalling but very effective.  Setting the collage aside to process another day will deepen the experience. Talk to others about your sadness.  Remember your loved one.  I have found any type of creative outlet helps in dissipating the grief and honoring it. You can paint, draw, write a song or a poem to honor your lost loved one.  This blog for me is grief work :)  It honors the memory of my father and allows me to be "get out of myself" and share with others. 

Don't be afraid of the grief you experience.  Embrace it. Move through it.  Don't get stuck there.  It is more difficult to be stuck in grief than to feel your feelings.  

If you are unable to process with a friend or family member Hospice of Santa Cruz has free grief counseling. 

Free camp for kids that experienced the death of someone close to them. 

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CHORE CHART SYSTEM FOR KIDS

8/28/2015

 

With all the challenges that my husband and I have been facing we have been having some difficulty getting everything done. My husband had the idea of paying the grandkids for chores. I thought it was brilliant. 

With all my pinning on Pinterest I had the exact chore chart in mind. I was going to laminate pictures so my youngest grandson would have a visual for each chore. It was a metal one that utilized magnets. It was so very cute. However, two dollar stores later, I had to improvise.  They had nothing I needed. I was so disappointed. 
Chore chart system for children
I settled for a quick improvised system  using what I could find. I grabbed some raffle tickets and four little tubs to use as banks. I bought letter stickers to label  the tubs and used a Mason jar I had at home. 

I labeled the Mason jar with "Chore Tickets" and the tubs with each boy's name. Each ticket had the chore and price earned on the back. The boys were instructed to put each completed chore ticket in their bank. Very low tech!   I had to make do with what I had.  I was not impressed.

The funny thing is the boys loved it! They love pulling the tickets out of the jar and the element of surprise. They are not allowed to dig for higher priced chores, what you pull out is what you get. Some of the chores they were not fond of, but persevered. They even had the idea I should put a couple tickets in for "do a free chore." I recycle the tickets back onto the Mason Jar the next day.  If they happen to pull a chore that does not need to be done, then they try their luck again.


Many times it is easy to forget how capable the children are. My four year old grandson is folding laundry, not just towels. By allowing children to do chores they are learning many lessons: 
  • To do the job right in order to get paid 
  • It is fun to work together
  • They are competent 
  • How to follow directions
  • The value of money and planning
  • Their participation is valuable and needed in the family
  • How to finish jobs that they don't like

For me this was a great reminder that it is not about being elaborate.  I struggle at times making things "bigger" and forget that simple is good.  We just need a "good enough" system, not a perfect one. It is really about instilling those values that we want the kids to have.  

I think I have enjoyed the system just as much, if not more than the kids.  It is pretty rewarding seeing how proud the boys are of themselves for a job well done. 
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Murder of Maddy Middleton 

8/7/2015

 
Remembering Maddy Middleton Candle with a flame www.therapyforyourchild.com

I struggled with the idea of writing a blog about Maddy.  I have been trying to process through this just as many of you are.  It has been horrific, scary and so very sad.  My decision to write came down to families.  This event has rattled many families and helping parents understand  how to process can be helpful. 
The murder of Maddy Middleton has rocked our community. It has struck deep to the core of our being. Shock and disbelief were the first reactions that I experienced. Then horror set in as I heard the young man, Adrian Gonzalez, described as a “kind” “well rounded” boy who came from a “loving family.”  This crime that was perpetrated seemed to come out of nowhere. 

Instagram posts by Adrian are being picked apart.  Many posted horrendous messages in regard to what they would like to happen to him.  There were so many that his account was taken down.  One thing is clear that this young man suffered from anxiety and depression.  One post questions if he would ever find anyone to love him. There was an essence of someone that couldn’t let someone go; a bit of obsessive comments in regard to someone he cared for. 

On the surface these posts could be any teenager’s posts. I have seen many comparable posts by multiple teens and even adults. There is no glaring evidence that this young man is dangerous or extremely unstable.  He presents as a depressed, anxious teen, which sadly to say is pretty common place.  That, I believe, is the most unnerving. 

There are multiple unanswered questions. More details will come out and we will see a broader picture of circumstances in time. However, the sad truth is that we will never truly understand what went wrong.  We can see factors and correlations, but it will never make sense. 

Many in the Tannery Community will, no doubt, second guess themselves. They may wonder if they missed signs that this young kid showed or if they did something different if they could have stopped the crime.  We can only do the best we can with the information that we have. The community had multiple years of evidence that this kid was not harmful. They had a safe community. 

The sad truth is that most child sexual assault is not perpetrated by a stranger but by someone that the child knows and is familiar with: family, friends, and acquaintances.   There is not a “typical” offender that we can warn our children against.  How can we feel safe after such after a glaring example? How can we keep our kids and grandkids safe? These are the questions that come up for many.

As parents and grandparents we need to be careful to not increase the anxiety in the children around us. The media coverage has been graphic and consistent.  There are videos posted all over the internet. Everyone is talking about it and looking for answers. We need to be aware that we and our children can experience secondary trauma by being bombarded with these reports. Anxiety can be heightened and fear becomes an issue for children. It is horrific enough that many have heard a child was murdered by another child. 

What can you do as Parents and Grandparents? 

  • Be mindful when children are in the room. Turn off TV, computers and phones that are discussing the case.  You can always do a search later for this information. 

  • Recognize your own level of anxiety. Reach out to your support system to process. Don’t process verbally in front of your children. 

  • Take time to care for yourself and your needs. Increase you self-care and the self-care of your family. Engage in activities that you all enjoy or are creative.  

  • Allow your child space to grieve and process. Encourage them to draw, write stories, donate to a women’s shelter to help other children or send a card to Maddy’s mom. 

  • If your children are anxious help them articulate what they are afraid of- walk them through it. Help them see the reality of the situation vs. the fear they are experiencing. By helping them talk about what they are anxious about you can lower their anxiety. 

  • Talk about safety with your children. Brainstorm together things that they can do to stay safe. Go over basic safety rules: 

-Do not go with anyone unless you check in with a parent, even if you know the person. 



-Always be clear about where, what and with who you are. 



-If anyone make you feel uncomfortable in any way talk to your parent. 


-Trust your instincts in situations to keep you safe. 

The best that we can do is to pay attention to behavior of those that are in our circle exhibit around children. Trust our instincts. Teach our children basic safety. We need to be careful that we don’t let this tragic event stop us from sharing in the lives of others.  All we can do is do the best we can. 
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What is the True Meaning of Success?

7/17/2015

 
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According to society success comes in the form of wealth. To be truly successful you must have the big house, the six figure income and the perfect family. 

Women are not portrayed as successful unless they can "have it all." They need to be able to work and raise a family...all the time not letting either suffer.  We are inundated with being the "perfect" woman.
Men are under pressure to provide in a big way for the family.  They need to provide all those extras for the family. They fall short of the success ideal if they are unable to keep up with the Jones'. 

We are surrounded by this crazy ideal of success and perfection.
What is success really? 
According to WordNet Dictionary online the meaning of success is: An event that accomplishes its intended purpose.

If we think of our lives as the "event" then we must think about what is our intended purpose for our life? That simple question will help us focus in on our personal meaning of success. Success then becomes very personal in regard to what our "intended purpose" of life is.  What is our intended purpose for our families, our children, school or our professional life? 


By breaking down our intended purposes in these life areas we will find that that success is attainable! It is important to break down these goals into smaller steps.  I encourage my clients to think  "baby steps" and keep moving forward in the direction of their life goal.  If you keep moving forward you will get there! The important thing is to keep moving forward.
If you keep moving forward you will get there!
Utilizing your values as a guide will help you define what your true life's purpose is and set goals to live out your values. It is difficult to be successful if we are conflicted.  We cannot have our lives out of sync with what our core values for our life are.  When this happens we will feel out of sorts and off balance.  By focusing in on our core values we can lead a more authentic life. When we allow ourselves to be our more authentic selves we will find that we have lower stress and are able to attain our life goals easier. 

If we can buy into the true meaning of success we will find that we can be successful everyday.  

Here is a worksheet to help you think about your core values, areas of life/satisfaction in those areas and moving forward.

Don't buy into what societies measure of success is...
find out what your personal meaning of success is!
 S. Isaacs
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Help Children Understand Emotions 

6/22/2015

 
Picture
The movie Inside Out follows the main character, Riley, as she grows through out her childhood.  It begins with her birth and the appearance of her first emotion as her parents bond with her.The first emotion that we see Riley experience is Joy. As Riley begins to have other experiences, other emotions begin to appear. The real trouble ensues when Riley's parents move her away from her friends, her school and her hockey team. 

Throughout the movie we see different emotions take the lead and run the show.  The movie explains why emotions are important.  However, Sadness is often misunderstood and pushed away, as it is in life.  The other emotions have a difficult time seeing her value, as we sometimes do.  By the end of the movie, we begin to see why Sadness is needed and must be allowed to run the show at times. 

This is a great movie to show kids various emotions and help them understand how their behavior changes depending on which emotion is running the show.  The movie is clear and easy to understand.  It is a great way to help kids expand their emotional vocabulary and understand emotions. 

At one point Riley goes against her core beliefs and we see the damage that is caused inside. This could be a great conversation starter to delve deeper into what your family's and child's core values are.  This concept is important in helping children to be true to themselves. When we go against core beliefs we all experience cognitive dissonance. This can cause depression, anxiety and acting out behaviors for kids. 

 believe this movie would be a benefit for those children that have social deficits/behavioral issues, such as children that have autism
, ADHD or impulse control issues.  It is definitely a movie that I believe a wide range of children will be able to connect to. 

Parents can use movies to help children learn valuable lessons. Think outside the box  when watching movies together! 
~Sheryl A. Isaacs
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Sun, Mar 29, 2015

4/6/2015

 
What Happens When we Give up Control?
Picture
When we give up control we are able to let go of expectations. Expectations about events, people and relationships can keep us spiraling into disappointment. 

Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself to assess why you are experiencing need for control:
  • What feeling is underneath our need to control? Be mindful of these feelings, allow yourself to feel them. 
  • What is fueling this need for control? Try to make a connection to past events. Step back and look at the reality of this situation. 
  • Is this something that you can truly control? If not, remind yourself of the many things that you do have control over. 

Self Qualities
Calmness, Curiosity, Clarity, Compassion, Confidence, Creativity, Courage, Connectedness
*IFS Theray 8 C's of Self
When we can accept the things that we cannot change and take a curious stance we can fall into our true self easier. The IFS Model describes the core self as having these traits or parts: Calmness, Curiosity, Compssion, Confidence, Creativity, Courage and Connectedness . We can recognize when we are in our true self when we are exhibiting many of these traits.  It is in self that we experience that centered and grounded feeling. When we fall into our true self we are able to let go of fear. When we allow ourselves to "go with the flow" we can find peace. 
Accept the things we cannot change
If we can be honest with ourselves we can acknowledge that things always have a way of working themselves out...our fear, worry and self-doubt are not helpful and do not improve our outcome.
It is what it is.
Go with the flow
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Family Days Teach an Important Lesson to Children 

2/15/2015

 
Black cat quote this cat know how to relax self care sunday
In this day and age we are living in a  24/7 life. It used to be that at least one day was set aside for families to rest, engage in self-care and just relax. Today parents are lucky if they have the family together at one meal a week. Why does this matter? What is the importance of teaching children to have a day off?

We have to remember that HOW we live is going to be the biggest lesson that our children will be taught. When we are working 24/7 we are expressing to our kids that this is a value that we hold.  Family does not come first, but work does.  We are teaching them that "down time" is not necessary.  

There is also a tendency to keep kids scheduled. If they are not in school they are doing sports, dance, boy scouts or numerous other activities.  I am not saying that these activities are bad but children NEED down time too. 
We were made to need rest. It is during that "down time" that we can recharge our batteries.  Our creativity will get sparked and we will be able to be MORE productive. The right kind of distraction will increase your ability to problem solve.  Who hasn't had the ephipany in the shower while relaxing under the hot water? Time off from work has been shown to increase productivity, willigness to work and create more balance.  Think about that statement in terms of what down time can do for your family. 

During family time we teach our children how to engage with others and bond.  We are modeling for them how to have relationships with others. We will be teaching our kids that they matter, they come first. It gives each member a time to connect with each other and bond during positive experiences. What valuable lessons to teach! 

Midfulness family walk
Look at #5 :)
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Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
Many hand crocheted items that are unique and personal, one of a kind gifts. Groovy Tie Dye, Sarcastic Stuffies, Groovy Pets, Therapy Rocks, Groovy Totes and Tie Dye T-shirts. Also sensory toys, fun toys, therapeutic toys, psycho-educational items for clients , therapists or friends. 
​Online Store!
Services Provided
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-Child Therapy
-Family Counseling
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-Sibling Counseling



Serving:
Scotts Valley
Ben Lomond
​Brookdale
Boulder Creek
Santa Cruz 
Soquel
Aptos
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What Clients are saying:

"Sheryl has helped me with my children's challenging behavior. She has been very helpful with support for me and my children. She has provided me with tools and resources that have help me be a better parent and partner. I strongly recommend her to anyone who is facing difficulties in their relationships." -Yelp Review

"Sheryl lets me feel totally understood and cared for..."

"I feel unconditional acceptance and heard by Sheryl."


Focus

-Parenting Struggles
-Anger MGT
-Depression
-School Problems  
-Grief and Loss
-Effects of Divorce
-Child Anxiety
-Your Anxiety
-Co-parenting Strategies
-Communication 
-Sibling Rivalry
-Resources for Early
 Intervention
-Coping with Developmental Delays
-Perinatal Loss
-Miscarriage





Copyright 2013,  Sheryl A. Isaacs , ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Photos from Brent Gambrell, roland, stevendepolo, shellyterrell, kellynphillong, bengrey, MiikaS, Upsilon Andromedae, Vassilis Online, Cuito Cuanavale, Caselet