 Sheryl Isaacs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is currently working in Scotts Valley seeing clients in private practice.
Sheryl has worked with families and children that have experienced a wide range of issues including: anxiety, trauma, depression, autism, ADHD, developmental issues, behavioral issues, divorce, bulimia, grief, communication and self esteem issues. She provides parental coaching, child therapy, sibling counseling, family therapy, marriage counseling, and individual counseling. AuthorArchives
March 2020
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Six Tips to Increase Happiness8/12/2013
Tips to Increase Happiness and Enjoy the Journey of Life#happiness #tipsforhappiness #livewell #mindfulness #positiveaffirmations #positivequotes When I speak of happiness I am speaking of an overall sense of well being and satisfaction that permeates your life regardless of circumstances or life events. We will all encounter things in our lives that are difficult. How can we continue to have an overall sense of well being and satisfaction with life? Many studies have been done on happiness. The interesting thing is that there seem to be some main themes that continually crop up.
Many of us have heard it said to "Count your blessings." I grew up hearing my mother tell me this quite often. This has actually been shown to be true. To have an overall sense of well being and satisfaction with life we need to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness. What things are going well in our life? One way to help cultivate this attitude of thankfulness is to keep a "Blessings Journal." Jot down all the things that you are thankful for. You can then review it at times you believe that things are not going so well. Some other phrases that many of us have heard is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," "pay it forward" and "random acts of kindness." Kindness has been shown to be instrumental in the level of happiness that we feel and has been shown to help depression as a "positive activity intervention." Why is this true? When we focus on others we "get out of ourselves." We quit focusing on the negative emotions that may be occurring and are able to increase our positive emotions. There are many opportunities to help those around us. As a family you could draw names and then be secret agents for the week delivering random acts of kindness in a stealth manner to the family member whose name you draw. The actions do not have to be large. What would make their life a little easier for that particular moment? Possibly doing the dishes or helping with groceries, the ideas are endless. It has also been shown that it is important to have a purpose in life. Where do you find meaning in life? What things are important to you in life? Having a purpose in life has been shown to decrease substance abuse and depressive episodes. Journaling about your daily activities can help you to assess which activities and people increase your feelings of well being. This will help you to get closer to what activities and people you find meaningful in your life. What activities do you engage in that put you "in the zone?" What are the activities that you can get lost in? It can be a creative outlet like dancing, writing or art. Perhaps it is an activity like teaching, working with children or helping others. Maybe you feel in the zone when you are in prayer or during meditation. Pay attention to those things and think about what your purpose is for this life. How many of you have seen the SNL skit with Stuart Smalley? He looks in a mirror and says "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. Dog gone it, people like me." Many people laugh at this skit and it is funny. The truth is that positive affirmations can indeed increase your overall level of satisfaction. Affirmations work best when they are personalized to you. We all have faulty cognitions that we have picked up through life. Some common negative cognitions are related to not being "good enough" like "I'm stupid," "I'm worthless," and "I'm hopeless." One way to help combat these thoughts is to utilize a recipe card and write the evidence against the thought on one side and write your affirmation on the other side. Let's say that you are working on "I'm stupid." You could list the time that you got a good grade on a report, got into college, were able to solve a problem or were told by others that you were smart. Your affirmation might look like "I am a smart person and capable of learning." Mindfulness has been proven to increase overall life satisfaction. So many of us are hurried through life rushing from one appointment to the next. How can you be mindful when you are so busy? It is difficult and does take practice. The first thing that you can do is practice on focusing on your breathing. Just take a few moments and really focus on your breathing, in and out. If your thoughts wander bring yourself back to focusing on your breathing. When you are engaging in activities become aware of all your senses. Engage your senses in the activity. At times when you feel yourself spacing out, notice how your body feels and engage your senses. What do your hear, smell, taste, feel, see? Take time to enjoy nature. Get out and hike, go to the beach or take a walk. Feel your feet on the path you are walking and engage your senses. It takes practice...sometimes a lot of practice. Studies have also shown that mindfulness can decrease negative affect, lower stress, lower emotional reactivity and reduce anxiety. Those are great reasons to learn to be mindful! Self acceptance is another component to well being in life. We usually are very hard on ourselves and at times can be our own worst enemy. When mistakes are made we can berate ourselves like no other. It is important to learn to be kind to ourselves. One strategy is to step back from the mistake or event and think about what would we tell a friend? Would we be giving the same negative barrage of words and adjectives? Most likely not. Think about specific situations that you have been hard on yourself and write down what you would tell a friend about those situations. We all make mistakes. Look at mistakes as real life learning experiences. We all have set backs in life but if we keep moving forward we will eventually get to where we are going! Six Tips to Increase Happiness: 1. Count your blessings 2. Be kind to others 3. Find your purpose in life 4. Use positive affirmations and self-talk 5. Be mindful 6. Accept yourself
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Self-Esteem in Children8/8/2013
How Parents Increase Self-Esteem in Children#self-esteem #children #parenting #childdevelopment When I refer to self-esteem I am referring to a child's sense of worth and confidence in themselves. Self-esteem involves many different beliefs about self. These beliefs are often formed during the developmental years. Self-esteem affects how we view ourselves in relation to the world and in the world. It is related to how we assess our outward appearance. It impacts our emotions and our ability to express them. It is related to what behaviors we engage in and the behaviors that we disengage from.
Many families desire to help children have healthy self-esteem but parents can have a difficult time with this. Some parents are afraid to praise their children too much. They worry that their child will “get a big head,” get “too big for their britches,” or believe that they can not be humble if praised too often. How can children be praised in a way that will increase their self-esteem without inflating their ego so they think of themselves better than others? This is a question that plagues many parents. It is important to praise children for effort not results. As parents, we need to recognize the hard work that children engage in. Things do not need to be perfect to praise children. You can start by describing what you see. Let’s say that your child was supposed to pick up their room. What does the room look like? Did the child make the bed, put books on the shelf or put their clothes away? Tell them, “I like the way that you put all your clothes away in your drawers.” Be specific about what you see. Tell them how you feel. Are you proud of them, happy that they listened the first time? Label the behavior that you are praising. Were they diligent, hard working or have good listening skills? For children to thrive it is important that they are taught to express their feelings in a healthy way. When children are able to control their emotions and express their feelings they feel in control of themselves. This feeling of being in control of ones emotions fosters positive self-esteem in children. Children need their feelings acknowledged. They need our help in building their “feelings vocabulary.” We can do this by helping them label their feelings. If they are mad let them express it verbally. Help them put words to the anger, “Sounds like you are so mad you would like to ______________.” When we don't recognize or acknowledge a child's feelings they begin to think that they can not trust their own feelings. We inadvertently create an alternate reality for our children by not acknowledging their feelings. Some of the common things that are said to children are, "You can't be tired you just had a nap," "You really aren't hot" or "You aren't hungry you just ate." Children can begin to doubt their reality and their feelings. This will have a negative impact in their self-esteem. Children are in need of undivided attention. They need to experience our full attention. Stop what you are doing and focus on them. Get down to their level and look them in the eyes. When we take time out to engage with children we are sending them the message that they are important to us. When we listen intently to their stories and ideas we are helping them understand that they are interesting and worth listening to. We also teach important social skills that will help children have social competence in social settings. Children need to be respected. Parenting is frustrating at times. It is difficult to not become angry at times. We must take care that when we discipline that we talk to our children in a respectful manner. A good thing to remember is this question: Would you treat another person in the manner that you treat your child? We don't commonly shame, slap, push or yell at others in our lives. These behaviors, when directed at children, can create negative labels that children will carry with them all their life. These labels turn into a negative internal dialogue that keeps a child bound in low self-esteem. Children are in need of autonomy to increase their level of self-esteem. Children need to make appropriate choices. Let children choose what clothes they would like to wear, allow choices for snack, free time and other appropriate developmental choices. By allowing a child to make choices we are showing them that we trust them to make the good decisions. This will teach children to trust their choices in life and develop their own sense of self. When we neglect to foster our child's autonomy we are setting them up to be indecisive, anxious and overly dependent on others. It is important that children struggle some. We can not swoop in every time our child experiences some difficulty. Many times as parents our first instinct is to help our child. We want to “save” them from the struggle or perhaps we are too busy and can not wait for them while they struggle. When a child struggles and is able to complete the task at hand they gain a sense of mastery that allows them the knowledge that they are capable and competent beings. As children grow they must know this or they will stifle themselves and not try new things or seek out challenges. Children need to have time to just “be.” Time to play uninterrupted without us rushing in to structure their time or monopolize their play. Allow your child to be engrossed in their play without interrupting the flow of their play. Too many children today are structured so closely that they are not able to use their imaginations in play. Free play is relaxing for children. It allows creativity to grow and blossom. Developmentally children need free play. Encourage children to have a wide network of extended family and friends. Increase their world experiences outside of the home. When children have a wide base of support it helps them to see that they are important and loved by others. Interacting with others can increase their skill set in many areas and help foster a feeling of competence. Our children will face many things as they grow. They will experience hurt and disappointment, injury and illness and loss. By helping your child to have a strong sense of self and healthy self-esteem you can prepare them to weather the storms of life. Children that have a higher level of self-esteem are better equipped to make and keep positive friendships and work through difficult situations that they face.
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How to Free Children from Playing Negative Roles in the Family#familyroles #parentingtips #children #communication How many times have we as parents referred to our kids as lazy, disorganized, a complainer, destructive or a sore loser? Even if you are a very meticulous parent in regard to words that you state out loud…the thought can cross your mind. All of us can get caught up in playing certain roles within our families. How can we break this cycle and help free our children from fulfilling negative roles? Here are six tips from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, written by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: 1. Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself or herself.
Destructive Role: “You have had that toy since you were three and it almost looks new!” 2. Put children in situations where they will be able to see themselves differently. Inability to do difficult tasks: “Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls on these drawers.” 3. Let children overhear you saying something positive about them. Catch them being good! Catch him being brave and share with others: “He held his arm steady even though the shot hurt.” 4. Model the behavior that you would like to see in your child. Graceful Winner: “It is hard to lose but I will try to be a good sport. Congratulations!” 5. Be a storehouse for your child’s positive and special moments. “I remember the time…” 6. When your child acts according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations. Sore Loser Role: “I don’t like that. Despite your strong feelings, I expect good sportsmanship from you.” |
- Therapy for Your Family and Groovy Gifts
- About Me
- Child Therapy
- Family Therapy
- Forms for Therapy Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
- Therapy Articles for your Children and Family
- Sensory workshop for Parents and Children, Scotts Valley
- Kindergarten Readiness Toolkit
- Free worksheets for therapy
- Resources for Families in Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
- Scotts Valley Therapist will be out of office
- Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
- Groovy Tie Dye Shirts
- Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Special Order
- Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Shirts
- Child and Family Therapist Insurances Accepted
- Give Away June 20232
- Therapy for Your Family and Groovy Gifts
- About Me
- Child Therapy
- Family Therapy
- Forms for Therapy Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
- Therapy Articles for your Children and Family
- Sensory workshop for Parents and Children, Scotts Valley
- Kindergarten Readiness Toolkit
- Free worksheets for therapy
- Resources for Families in Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
- Scotts Valley Therapist will be out of office
- Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
- Groovy Tie Dye Shirts
- Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Special Order
- Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Shirts
- Child and Family Therapist Insurances Accepted
- Give Away June 20232
- Therapy for Your Family and Groovy Gifts
- About Me
- Child Therapy
- Family Therapy
- Forms for Therapy Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
- Therapy Articles for your Children and Family
- Sensory workshop for Parents and Children, Scotts Valley
- Kindergarten Readiness Toolkit
- Free worksheets for therapy
- Resources for Families in Scotts Valley and Santa Cruz
- Scotts Valley Therapist will be out of office
- Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
- Groovy Tie Dye Shirts
- Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Special Order
- Groovy Gifts Tie Dye Shirts
- Child and Family Therapist Insurances Accepted
- Give Away June 20232
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Groovy Gifts by Sheryl
Many hand crocheted items that are unique and personal, one of a kind gifts. Groovy Tie Dye, Sarcastic Stuffies, Groovy Pets, Therapy Rocks, Groovy Totes and Tie Dye T-shirts. Also sensory toys, fun toys, therapeutic toys, psycho-educational items for clients , therapists or friends. Online Store! Services Provided
-Child Therapy -Family Counseling -Marriage Counseling -Parental Coaching -Sibling Counseling Serving:
Scotts Valley Ben Lomond Brookdale Boulder Creek Santa Cruz Soquel Aptos Live Oak Watsonville |
What Clients are saying:
"Sheryl has helped me with my children's challenging behavior. She has been very helpful with support for me and my children. She has provided me with tools and resources that have help me be a better parent and partner. I strongly recommend her to anyone who is facing difficulties in their relationships." -Yelp Review "Sheryl lets me feel totally understood and cared for..." "I feel unconditional acceptance and heard by Sheryl." Focus
-Parenting Struggles -Anger MGT -Depression -School Problems -Grief and Loss -Effects of Divorce -Child Anxiety -Your Anxiety -Co-parenting Strategies -Communication -Sibling Rivalry -Resources for Early Intervention -Coping with Developmental Delays -Perinatal Loss -Miscarriage |
Copyright 2013, Sheryl A. Isaacs , ALL RIGHTS RESERVED