Blog for families seeking help through counseling

CHORE CHART SYSTEM FOR KIDS

8/28/2015

With all the challenges that my husband and I have been facing we have been having some difficulty getting everything done. My husband had the idea of paying the grandkids for chores. I thought it was brilliant.

With all my pinning on Pinterest I had the exact chore chart in mind. I was going to laminate pictures so my youngest grandson would have a visual for each chore. It was a metal one that utilized magnets. It was so very cute. However, two dollar stores later, I had to improvise. They had nothing I needed. I was so disappointed.

I settled for a quick improvised system using what I could find. I grabbed some raffle tickets and four little tubs to use as banks. I bought letter stickers to label the tubs and used a Mason jar I had at home.

I labeled the Mason jar with "Chore Tickets" and the tubs with each boy's name. Each ticket had the chore and price earned on the back. The boys were instructed to put each completed chore ticket in their bank. Very low tech! I had to make do with what I had. I was not impressed.

The funny thing is the boys loved it! They love pulling the tickets out of the jar and the element of surprise. They are not allowed to dig for higher priced chores, what you pull out is what you get. Some of the chores they were not fond of, but persevered. They even had the idea I should put a couple tickets in for "do a free chore." I recycle the tickets back onto the Mason Jar the next day. If they happen to pull a chore that does not need to be done, then they try their luck again.

Many times it is easy to forget how capable the children are. My four year old grandson is folding laundry, not just towels. By allowing children to do chores they are learning many lessons:

To do the job right in order to get paid
It is fun to work together
They are competent
How to follow directions
The value of money and planning
Their participation is valuable and needed in the family
How to finish jobs that they don't like

For me this was a great reminder that it is not about being elaborate. I struggle at times making things "bigger" and forget that simple is good. We just need a "good enough" system, not a perfect one. It is really about instilling those values that we want the kids to have.

I think I have enjoyed the system just as much, if not more than the kids. It is pretty rewarding seeing how proud the boys are of themselves for a job well done.

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Murder of Maddy Middleton

8/7/2015

Remembering Maddy Middleton Candle with a flame www.therapyforyourchild.com

I struggled with the idea of writing a blog about Maddy. I have been trying to process through this just as many of you are. It has been horrific, scary and so very sad. My decision to write came down to families. This event has rattled many families and helping parents understand how to process can be helpful.

The murder of Maddy Middleton has rocked our community. It has struck deep to the core of our being. Shock and disbelief were the first reactions that I experienced. Then horror set in as I heard the young man, Adrian Gonzalez, described as a “kind” “well rounded” boy who came from a “loving family.” This crime that was perpetrated seemed to come out of nowhere.

Instagram posts by Adrian are being picked apart. Many posted horrendous messages in regard to what they would like to happen to him. There were so many that his account was taken down. One thing is clear that this young man suffered from anxiety and depression. One post questions if he would ever find anyone to love him. There was an essence of someone that couldn’t let someone go; a bit of obsessive comments in regard to someone he cared for.

On the surface these posts could be any teenager’s posts. I have seen many comparable posts by multiple teens and even adults. There is no glaring evidence that this young man is dangerous or extremely unstable. He presents as a depressed, anxious teen, which sadly to say is pretty common place. That, I believe, is the most unnerving.

There are multiple unanswered questions. More details will come out and we will see a broader picture of circumstances in time. However, the sad truth is that we will never truly understand what went wrong. We can see factors and correlations, but it will never make sense.

Many in the Tannery Community will, no doubt, second guess themselves. They may wonder if they missed signs that this young kid showed or if they did something different if they could have stopped the crime. We can only do the best we can with the information that we have. The community had multiple years of evidence that this kid was not harmful. They had a safe community.

The sad truth is that most child sexual assault is not perpetrated by a stranger but by someone that the child knows and is familiar with: family, friends, and acquaintances. There is not a “typical” offender that we can warn our children against. How can we feel safe after such after a glaring example? How can we keep our kids and grandkids safe? These are the questions that come up for many.

As parents and grandparents we need to be careful to not increase the anxiety in the children around us. The media coverage has been graphic and consistent. There are videos posted all over the internet. Everyone is talking about it and looking for answers. We need to be aware that we and our children can experience secondary trauma by being bombarded with these reports. Anxiety can be heightened and fear becomes an issue for children. It is horrific enough that many have heard a child was murdered by another child.

What can you do as Parents and Grandparents?

Be mindful when children are in the room. Turn off TV, computers and phones that are discussing the case. You can always do a search later for this information.

Recognize your own level of anxiety. Reach out to your support system to process. Don’t process verbally in front of your children.

Take time to care for yourself and your needs. Increase you self-care and the self-care of your family. Engage in activities that you all enjoy or are creative.

Allow your child space to grieve and process. Encourage them to draw, write stories, donate to a women’s shelter to help other children or send a card to Maddy’s mom.

If your children are anxious help them articulate what they are afraid of- walk them through it. Help them see the reality of the situation vs. the fear they are experiencing. By helping them talk about what they are anxious about you can lower their anxiety.

Talk about safety with your children. Brainstorm together things that they can do to stay safe. Go over basic safety rules:

-Do not go with anyone unless you check in with a parent, even if you know the person.

-Always be clear about where, what and with who you are.

-If anyone make you feel uncomfortable in any way talk to your parent.

-Trust your instincts in situations to keep you safe.

The best that we can do is to pay attention to behavior of those that are in our circle exhibit around children. Trust our instincts. Teach our children basic safety. We need to be careful that we don’t let this tragic event stop us from sharing in the lives of others. All we can do is do the best we can.

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CHORE CHART SYSTEM FOR KIDS

Murder of Maddy Middleton

Therapist Thoughts...

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Archives

Categories

CHORE CHART SYSTEM FOR KIDS﻿

Murder of Maddy Middleton ﻿

CHORE CHART SYSTEM FOR KIDS

Murder of Maddy Middleton