I thought that I would share a little bit of what my husband and I have done to create our own "self-care" space outside. For myself, a self-care space is about having a space that brings a smile to your face. I love sayings that are encouraging, knick-knacks and color. My husband loves fountains and fish. Anything that makes us smile and calms our spirit are things that we included in the space. 

My husband is a huge fan of fountains, so we have several in our outside space. We started with one many years ago and have added more through the years. I tend to love bright colors and things that are cute or unique. I have collected different ceramic pieces that I enjoy. I am always on the look out for more unique pieces that that speak to me that I can add. The yard was drab so we added potted plants to add color.   We found some unique solar items on sale that turn on at dusk and add a pretty cool effect :) The bistro table was exactly what I was looking for with chairs that are high enough that they are easy to get in and out of and make it possible to type at the table.  There is also a half-wine barrel that we turned into a small fish pond. 

We have our grandsons over a lot so we needed a yard that is play friendly too. The boys love to feed the birds and squirrels that the fountains attract. They also help Papa clean the fish pond when they can and feed the fish.   The chiminea is perfect for roasting marshmallow and eating s'mores.  Our space has become a place that we can create memories with those that we love which helps increase the "feel good" of our space for us. 

Whether I sit at the table in the kitchen and look out in the yard or sit at the table in the yard, I can feel connected and calm. I find the water sound soothing and it helps me to focus on my writing.  When my mom or the girls come over it is a wonderful place to sit and visit. 

We can lose sight that our home should be our refuge, a place of calm and peace where we can recharge. When we  take the time to make that space with the things we love and enjoy we are creating a "climate of self-care"  within our home. We will find that we destress naturally and gravitate towards those things that nourish our soul. 

Remember creating that space is about finding those things that are calming and relaxing to you.  
Everyone's space is going to be different because we are unique individuals! 

Ask yourself:
What makes me smile?
What calms my spirit?
What helps increase my creativity?  


Those are the things that you want to include in your space. Make it yours! Own that space and most importantly be creative in the process! 

Passion as I am discussing it,  is a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement about doing something.  When you are experiencing something that you feel passionate about you are:

                     -you feel alive
                        -in the zone               
                 -time passes quickly   
                 -you are immersed

When you experience any of these feelings, most likely you are engaged in activity that you are passionate about. 

However, some of us as we have grown have become overloaded with cares and obligations of life.  We are too stressed and overburdened to feel passionate about anything.  It is important that we take steps to slow down and live a life that is not so entangled with obligations and stress.

How can we do this?  The first step is to learn to care for ourselves.  We need to learn to engage in self-care.  Many times this is the first thing that stops when we become overburdened and taxed.  Basic self care includes exercise, proper sleep hygiene, eating a nutritionally balanced diet, staying hydrated and creating a positive support network.  Utilizing meditation and being mindful can help us learn to "live in the moment" and be fully present during tasks.  This will help us tune into what our experience is during various activities that we engage in.

We also must learn to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n.  Life for many of us has become a 24/7 job.  There are no down days, no days to just be.  Just as we do not live to eat but eat to live, we must learn that we do not live to engage in activities but engage in activities to bring fulfillment to our lives.  

Set a goal of prioritizing activities and commitments in your life. Learn to say, "No."  If you think about it the PTA can function without you, your child's class will be able to have enough parents for the field trip, etc.  Be committed to having one day a week to just be,  no commitments!  Let this day be a day committed to fun and play…that is best kind of self-care!

Set aside time each week to focus on simplifying your life.  Work on reducing clutter.  If you haven't used something in a year, chances are you won't use it in the future.  Chuck it, donate it, pass it on to a loved one or sell it on Craig's List.

By lowering your stress level and de-cluttering your life you can become more emotionally available.  By being emotionally available you can experience your feelings, be more aware of your needs and wants, and be free to find your passion in life.

Finally,  ask yourself what you enjoyed as a child?  What was it you spent hours doing? What are you really good at? What activities are you drawn to? Ask friends what they see as your strengths.  Don't be afraid to go out and try new things.  

Life is an adventure, go out and live it!

When I speak of happiness I am speaking of an overall sense of well being and satisfaction that permeates your life regardless of circumstances or life events.  We will all encounter things in our lives that are difficult.  How can we continue to have an overall sense of well being and satisfaction with life? Many studies have been done on happiness.  The interesting thing is that there seem to be some main themes that continually crop up. 

Many of us have heard it said to "Count your blessings." I grew up hearing my mother tell me this quite often.  This has actually been shown to be true. To have an overall sense of well being and satisfaction with life we need to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness.  What things are going well in our life?  One way to help cultivate this attitude of thankfulness is to keep a "Blessings Journal."  Jot down all the things that you are thankful for.  You can then review it at times you believe that things are not going so well.

Some other  phrases that many of us have heard is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,"  "pay it forward" and "random acts of kindness."  Kindness has been shown to be instrumental in the level of happiness that we feel and has been shown to help depression as a "positive activity intervention." Why is this true?  When we focus on others we "get out of ourselves."  We quit focusing on the negative emotions that may be occurring and are able to increase our positive emotions.  There are many opportunities to help those around us.  As a family you could draw names and then be secret agents for the week delivering random acts of kindness in a stealth manner to the family member whose name you draw.  The actions do not have to be large.  What would make their life a little easier for that particular moment?    Possibly doing the dishes or helping with groceries, the ideas are endless.

It has also been shown that it is important to have a purpose in life.  Where do you find meaning in life? What things are important to you in life? Having a purpose in life has been shown to decrease substance abuse and depressive episodes.  Journaling about your daily activities can help you to assess which activities and people increase your feelings of well being.   This will help you to get closer to what activities and people you find meaningful in your life.  What activities do you engage in that put you "in the zone?"  What are the activities that you can get lost in? It can be a creative outlet like dancing, writing or art. Perhaps it is an activity like teaching, working with children or helping others.  Maybe you feel in the zone when you are in prayer or during meditation.  Pay attention to those things and think about what your purpose is for this life. 

How many of you have seen the SNL skit with Stuart Smalley? He looks in a mirror and says "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. Dog gone it, people like me."  Many people laugh at this skit and it is funny.  The truth is that positive affirmations can  indeed increase your overall level of satisfaction. Affirmations work best when they are personalized to you.  We all have faulty cognitions that we have picked up through life. Some common negative cognitions are related to not being "good enough" like  "I'm stupid," "I'm worthless," and "I'm hopeless."  One way to help combat these thoughts is to utilize a recipe card and write the evidence against the thought on one side and write your affirmation on the other side.  Let's say that you are working on "I'm stupid." You could list the time that you got a good grade on a report, got into college, were able to solve a problem or were told by others that you were smart.  Your affirmation might look like "I am a smart person and capable of learning."

Mindfulness has been proven to increase overall life satisfaction.  So many of us are hurried through life rushing from one appointment to the next. How can you be mindful when you are so busy? It is difficult and does take practice.  The first thing that you can do is practice on focusing on your breathing.  Just take a few moments and really focus on your breathing, in and out.  If your thoughts wander bring yourself back to focusing on your breathing.  When you are engaging in activities become aware of all your senses.  Engage your senses in the activity. At times when you feel yourself spacing out, notice how your body feels and engage your senses. What do your hear, smell, taste, feel, see? Take time to enjoy nature.  Get out and hike, go to the beach or take a walk.  Feel your feet on the path you are walking and engage your senses. It takes practice...sometimes a lot of practice. Studies have also shown that mindfulness can decrease negative affect, lower stress, lower emotional reactivity and reduce anxiety. Those are great reasons to learn to be mindful!

Self acceptance is another component to well being in life. We usually are very hard on ourselves and at times can be our own worst enemy.  When mistakes are made we can berate ourselves like no other.  It is important to learn to be kind to ourselves.  One strategy is to step back from the mistake or event and think about what would we tell a friend?  Would we be giving the same negative barrage of words and adjectives?  Most likely not. Think about specific situations that you have been hard on yourself and write down what you would tell a friend about those situations.  We all make mistakes.  Look at mistakes as real life learning experiences.  We all have set backs in life but if we keep moving forward we will eventually get to where we are going!

Six Tips to Increase Happiness:
1. Count your blessings
2. Be kind to others
3. Find your purpose in life
4. Use positive affirmations and self-talk
5. Be mindful
6. Accept yourself