10 Symptoms of Co-dependency

by Sheryl A. Isaacs, MS
Registered MFT Intern,IMF71453
Supervised by Julie Carboni, LMFT, MFC42890
at A Place of Refuge Counseling Center
Scotts Valley, CA

Child Therapist and Family Therapist
*Parental Counseling
*Sibling Counseling
*Marriage / Couples Counseling
*Individual Counseling

Recognize the signs of Co-dependency

Symptoms of Co-dependency

1. Low Self Esteem- You feel “less than” or “not enough.”  You are unable to share your “true self” due to fear of rejection and ridicule. You tend to beat yourself up over mistakes and have a difficult time accepting compliments from others. You may find it hard to enjoy your accomplishments and down play the importance of them in your life.

2. People Pleasing- You find it difficult to tell others, “No.” Telling others no creates uncomfortable anxiety for you. You will do things for others even when it enables another’s dysfunctional behavior. You become resentful after doing things for others after being unable to tell them, “No.”

3. Poor Boundaries- You feel responsible for others feelings and problems or blame others for your feelings and problems.  You may be unable to let people get close to you or fluctuate between both extremes.  You find it difficult to let others work out their problems and have a need to fix the problems.

4. High Reactivity- You are highly reactive and become defensive when others disagree with you or you believe what others think and feel about you. You have feelings of anger when other disagree with you.  It is difficult to accept that it is a difference of opinion and not a personal attack.

5. Caretaking- You put others needs, wants and desires before your own regularly.  You tend to put others needs and wants first to the point of exhaustion. When not caretaking it is difficult to enjoy your life.

6. Control- You need to have control to feel safe and secure. You may use people pleasing and caretaking to control those that are close to you to maintain a sense of control in your life.

7. Dependency- You are fearful of being rejected/abandoned in relationships. You either expect others to take care of your needs and wants by “mind reading” or have difficulty asking for help with your needs and wants. You give up things you enjoy and do things that your spouse or friends enjoy. You tend to “lose yourself” in relationships.

8. Denial- You believe that you are responsible for other’s problems and feelings or blame others for your problems and feelings. It is difficult to see the true reality of the relationships that you are in.

9. Intimacy Problems- You have difficulty sharing your “true self” with others due to fear of judgment, rejection and ridicule. You become something other than your true self to be in the relationship. You may find yourself doing things that go against your moral compass to stay in the relationship, which brings about depression.

10. Wants and Needs- You are not aware of your wants or needs or feel selfish when you express wants or needs. You may confuse wants and needs by engaging in compulsive behavior believing that wants are needs, which can cause impulsive buying.

If you find that you are described in this list, don't despair!  Therapy has been proven to help change negative behaviors that occur in co-dependency. Therapy can also help alleviate many of the strong emotions that you experience with co-dependency: anger, depression, guilt, feelings of low-self worth. 

YOU are a valuable, unique individual. Relationships are meant to be reciprocal in nature, not one sided.  You can learn to change your behavior and change your relationships!