Six Tips to Free Children from Playing Roles

by Sheryl A. Isaacs, MS
Registered MFT Intern,IMF71453
Supervised by Julie Carboni, LMFT, MFC42890
at A Place of Refuge Counseling Center
Scotts Valley, CA

Child Therapist and Family Therapist
*Parental Counseling
*Sibling Counseling
*Marriage / Couples Counseling
*Individual Counseling

How to Free Children from Playing Negative Roles in the Family

#familyroles #parentingtips #children #communication

How many times have we as parents referred to our kids as lazy, disorganized, a complainer, destructive or a sore loser?  Even if you are a very meticulous parent in regard to words that you state out loud…the thought can cross your mind.  All of us can get caught up in playing certain roles within our families.  How can we break this cycle and help free our children from fulfilling negative roles?

Here are six tips from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, written by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish:

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1. Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself or herself.

Destructive Role: “You have had that toy since you were three and it almost looks new!”

2. Put children in situations where they will be able to see themselves differently.

Inability to do difficult tasks: “Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls

on these drawers.”

3. Let children overhear you saying something positive about them. Catch them being

good!

Catch him being brave and share with others: “He held his arm steady even though the

shot hurt.”

4. Model the behavior that you would like to see in your child.

Graceful Winner: “It is hard to lose but I will try to be a good sport. Congratulations!”

5. Be a storehouse for your child’s positive and special moments.

“I remember the time…”

6. When your child acts according to the old label, state your feelings and/or expectations.

Sore Loser Role: “I don’t like that. Despite your strong feelings, I expect good

sportsmanship from you.”