Children and the Importance of Attachment
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by Sheryl A. Isaacs, LMFT #92557
*Compassionate *Committed *Caring Scotts Valley, CA |
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Child Therapist and Family Therapist
*Parental Counseling *Sibling Counseling *Marriage / Couples Counseling *Individual Counseling |
Domestic Violence Affects HOW Children Attach to Parents
When children are born the most important developmental task that they face is being able to attach to their primary caregiver. It is this attachment that lays the foundation for children to be able to develop socially and emotionally in early childhood. Children learn what to expect from their environment, how they should be treated and what relationships look like from their primary caregivers. Every time that a newborn is held and attended to when crying the child is learning to trust their environment and learning to build relationships. Attachment to parents provide infants and children with a sense of security, help the infant in developing affect regulation, build communication and help the infant/child have a secure base to feel safe and explore their environment.
As parents we can attach in three negative ways to our children. The way that we attach affects how our child will function in the future, their rate of development and how they relate to others. This attachment that we give to our child can change due to trauma and stressors in the immediate family.
Avoidant attachment occurs when children's needs are dismissed, when their behavior is thought of as purposeful to cause problems for the parent, and the child is thought of in a negative light by the caregiver. Children that have this style of attachment are more aggressive, experience negative interactions with other children, and tend to sulk and withdraw. The negative behaviors and interactions cause a negative view of the child for peers and teachers which reinforce the child's belief that they are a "problem."
Ambivalent/Resistant Attachment occurs when a parent is not consistent in their response to their child. The parent may respond to needs in one instance then ignore the child or become angry in another. These children learn to read their parents behavior and mood. They have a strong desire to have consistent attachment and focus on trying to attain this. This stifles their interest in exploration of the world around them and stifles their development.
Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment occurs when the child sees the parent as someone to fear. These children can become highly controlling and very aggressive toward peers. Due to not receiving love and nurturing their self-esteem is low and they face difficulty in school. Many parents that attach to their children in this way have experienced trauma in their own childhoods.
Attachment is an interactive and reciprocal process that involves the "space in between" the caregiver and the child. Tone of voice, rhythm of voice, eye contact, voice modulation and body movement help caregivers create a safe reciprocal environment for their child to respond and grow in the relationship. In a secure attachment the parent is in tune to the child and responds to wants and needs that the child expresses. They are able to "follow the child's lead." If the child cries the parent is aware of what the cry means and is able to respond in a nurturing manner to meet that need. They are aware of when their child needs space or is overstimulated and can adjust the environment accordingly.
In a domestic violence (DV) household there is high anxiety, anger, feelings of being overwhelmed or "walking on eggshells." There is depression and hopelessness that is experienced by the caregiver. These strong feelings are felt and experienced by the children in these homes as well. Caregivers that experience such strong emotion are unable to be present to meet their children's needs. Survival for the caregiver consumes their energy and the children suffer the consequences of living in a home that has DV.
Click link below for more information:
Domestic Violence and Children
As parents we can attach in three negative ways to our children. The way that we attach affects how our child will function in the future, their rate of development and how they relate to others. This attachment that we give to our child can change due to trauma and stressors in the immediate family.
Avoidant attachment occurs when children's needs are dismissed, when their behavior is thought of as purposeful to cause problems for the parent, and the child is thought of in a negative light by the caregiver. Children that have this style of attachment are more aggressive, experience negative interactions with other children, and tend to sulk and withdraw. The negative behaviors and interactions cause a negative view of the child for peers and teachers which reinforce the child's belief that they are a "problem."
Ambivalent/Resistant Attachment occurs when a parent is not consistent in their response to their child. The parent may respond to needs in one instance then ignore the child or become angry in another. These children learn to read their parents behavior and mood. They have a strong desire to have consistent attachment and focus on trying to attain this. This stifles their interest in exploration of the world around them and stifles their development.
Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment occurs when the child sees the parent as someone to fear. These children can become highly controlling and very aggressive toward peers. Due to not receiving love and nurturing their self-esteem is low and they face difficulty in school. Many parents that attach to their children in this way have experienced trauma in their own childhoods.
Attachment is an interactive and reciprocal process that involves the "space in between" the caregiver and the child. Tone of voice, rhythm of voice, eye contact, voice modulation and body movement help caregivers create a safe reciprocal environment for their child to respond and grow in the relationship. In a secure attachment the parent is in tune to the child and responds to wants and needs that the child expresses. They are able to "follow the child's lead." If the child cries the parent is aware of what the cry means and is able to respond in a nurturing manner to meet that need. They are aware of when their child needs space or is overstimulated and can adjust the environment accordingly.
In a domestic violence (DV) household there is high anxiety, anger, feelings of being overwhelmed or "walking on eggshells." There is depression and hopelessness that is experienced by the caregiver. These strong feelings are felt and experienced by the children in these homes as well. Caregivers that experience such strong emotion are unable to be present to meet their children's needs. Survival for the caregiver consumes their energy and the children suffer the consequences of living in a home that has DV.
Click link below for more information:
Domestic Violence and Children